HOW TO BE HUMAN: HOLIDAY EDITION

Hello, holiday shoppers. How is your season of festivities so far?

I see you made it through Thanksgiving and live to tell about it. I’m proud of you.

Now that most of you are bingeing Christmas music like it's a magic fairy dust that will make the world go away, I thought you could use a few recommendations. While you're spinning tunes, include David Ian for a chilled, instrumental Christmas that is just right in any setting. Then head over to the Nick Lowe station. Lowe is famous for "What’s So Funny about Peace, Love and Understanding." Most of his Christmas tracks are original narratives that are easy on the soul and enlightening for the heart. Don’t forget Bob Dylan’s Christmas album, which is wonderful for so many reasons. And finally, listen to Let Your Heart Be Light by none other than my wife, Ann-Janette. It’s full of new, original Christmas songs and unique arrangements of classics. I promise you’ll love it.

Speaking of love, a few months ago I released a column titled "How to Be Human." In our increasingly distracted culture of isolation, busyness, and digital relationships, we have lost some of the basic human courtesies and social norms.

In my column, I suggested that good 'Human-ing' is basically being aware of others.

Practically, we said that looks like: 1) Responding to invitations in a timely manner (even if you don’t know if you can make it).  Saying, “Thank you for the invite, I will let you know as soon as I can if we can make it,” is a perfectly acceptable answer and beats radio silence every time. 2) When you arrive at said event, know that your host may be a bit busy getting things ready, so DON’T show up ten minutes early and DON'T corner them when you walk into the house with your story about how crazy your day has been. And 3) Awareness means just that, seeing people (especially in the service industry) and treating them as valued human beings.

So many of you reached out after the column ran, we thought it might be helpful and timely to do “How to Be Human, Holiday Edition.”

So, here are a few practical ways to be aware of your fellow humans this holiday season. I bet you have your own list, and I’d love to hear from you.

The first awareness you can have is that you and I are not the only ones shopping, cooking, traveling, hosting, frolicking, and reflecting for the Holidays. Nearly everyone is busy. Most are a bit anxious. And, all of us are hoping to experience some genuine Christmas moments this year. So, if we lift our gaze from ourselves and breathe, what would help those around us? Can we offer a smile, kindness, a hand, a chance to go ahead of us in line, or even the gift of paying their tab at the coffee shop or gas station?

'Tis the season for holiday gatherings. This might be a good time to scroll back to the top of the page and review the first list: Respond, be 5-10 minutes late, don’t dominate your host, and see other people. It’s also a great time to ask what we can do to make the gathering better. What food or beverage might help? What joy can I bring? Who can you meet? And when is the right time to leave?

Next, we’ve been celebrating Christmas for roughly two thousand years now. Christmas doesn’t need either of us to save it. It’s not our job to correct people who say Happy Holidays, Cmas, or Xmas (all of which actually have roots in Christian traditions). No one has ever been convinced or converted by a festive tongue-lashing filled with self-righteousness and disapproval. Just celebrate. The season has enough magic on its own. Be merry and bright, and let Christmas do all the heavy lifting. As the saying goes, people should know what we believe by the way we treat them, not by the words we abuse them with.

And so, while we are here, holiday gatherings are a great time to leave your politically themed shirts in the closet. Everyone already knows which side of the aisle you're on. Divisive attire goes against the spirit of the season. If you can’t find anything else to talk about this season besides politics, consider buying a book. Or better yet, learn to ask questions: What’s your favorite Christmas memory from childhood? How did your family celebrate growing up? What’s the one Christmas song you would enjoy never hearing again? If you were the Grinch, would you have returned all those presents?

And finally, even the most joyous time of the year can be very difficult for many people. Some are experiencing their first Christmas without a loved one, after a painful divorce, or following the loss of a job. Many are facing a Christmas where they simply don’t have enough to make it all work. There are so many amazing opportunities to do good this season. Awareness of others calls us to be generous in every way we can: giving extra gifts to those in need, offering extra time to those who are hurting, and showing extra patience to those who are especially annoying (we know who we are).

Human-ing is the awareness of others and what they need at any given moment. The most magical part of this awareness is that by operating in it, we become happier, more joyful, and more fulfilled. What a wonderful side benefit.

We recently had the chance to talk with the entire Central Middle School student body about How to Human Better.  We discussed seeing the good in others, avoiding undercommunication and isolation, and, of course, being aware of other students. The conversation was terrifying for us (eighth graders are known to smell blood in the water quickly), but the kids were actually fantastic. Many of us are worried about the future of our country, even the world. But we’ve met the future: these students who, in just a few short years, will be running things. I can tell you firsthand, they will do great things. Like every generation, they will face threats to good human-ing and community, and basic decency, but they also have every chance to improve things, just like you and me.

At our house, we no longer say “Happy Holidays.” Since retailers insist on starting the season as early as September, we have aimed to be more inclusive and combine all the holidays into one. So, Happy Hallogivingmas! May it be full of the magic you bring.

Remember, the season is full of many opportunities to do good. Let’s go out and do it.