Why Can't You Be More Like Your Dog

I know envy is a deadly sin, but have you ever met someone and thought, “Man, I wish I were more like them?”

Maybe they’re funny or chill or wise. Was it a friend? Did they light up a room or make everyone feel better when they were around? Did they have that quiet confidence, like they didn’t care what others thought? Did they have that magic gift to do just the right thing to make you feel loved or seen?

Yeah, that’s the way Maddie was for me.

She was wise and radiated calm. She couldn’t help but greet you with kisses or lean her whole body into you when you came home, no matter how late it was. She was good at so many things. She loved running and swimming, or just playing catch in the backyard. Her only real fault might have been her breath…but what could she do? She wasn’t born with opposable thumbs to hold a toothbrush. She had to wait on us for that.

Maddie never played it cool. If she liked you, she would just kinda spaz out. She didn’t care who else was in the room. She wanted you to know she loved you. If you were sad, she wanted to make it better or just be sad with you. If you were going somewhere, she wanted to go with you. It didn’t matter where you were going. Being together was what mattered. Yes, her chocolate-brown hair would be in my car for weeks, but it was worth it.

She loved meeting new people. It was as if there were no strangers for her. She honestly couldn’t care less how much money you made, what color you were, or where you were from. She couldn’t see it. She was just happy to meet someone new.

All my friends loved her. At our house for dinner, she always ate whatever was served, even if it was dry or the same as the previous meal.

The world could learn a lot from Maddie.

If I am being honest, maybe it’s not just Maddie… maybe the world would be better if we were all a little more like dogs. I mean, yes, Maddie was a Labrador, which made her exceptionally cool, but many dogs share these traits.

I mean, think about it. Most dogs can’t hide their feelings or play it cool. What’s the point? If they like you, their whole body will tell you. My first dog, Sandy, would literally pee herself with joy when meeting new friends. Dogs don’t care who else is in the room, your social status, your pedigree, or your earning potential. You got love, I got love…let’s be friends.

Dogs will protect. Dogs will forgive. Dogs will go wherever you go. Dogs will sniff out danger and won’t hesitate to let you know when something’s “sus,” as the kids say. You can’t ask much more from someone than that.

In related news, it appears that many of these same qualities lead to a happier, more joyful, and more fulfilling life. Researchers have concluded…conclusively…that our relationships are a leading factor in our overall well-being and even longevity. In fact, tons of research shows that deep connections with other humans are more impactful for your personal joy, health, and longevity than diet, exercise, and even your genes. And yet, here we are in the middle of a documented, worldwide loneliness epidemic. If close personal relationships are so important, why are so many people struggling to find them? What can we do?

According to Harvard researcher Leslie Johns, author of Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing, we have to start opening up and sharing, even oversharing. Here’s how it works. We often set the terms and the bar for our relationships. If we are reserved, cautious, superficial, or insecure (only putting our best foot forward for fear of being exposed), in most cases, that is how others will respond and participate in our relationships. On the other hand, when we open up to a level that involves vulnerability, others begin to feel comfortable doing the same.

Most of us live with a dread of TMI. Maybe you have post-traumatic stress disorder from someone downloading their whole life story on you. Or maybe you trusted someone, only to have your heart used against you. And so we move forward in life with a new sense of hardness or weariness about intimacy. First, let me say - I’m sorry that happened to you. I don’t want to understate how uncomfortable and painful those experiences can be. But not allowing anyone else “in” as a result would be like having a car wreck and deciding it’s not worth driving ever again. No. You learn from the experience and move forward. You don’t lump all humans into one pile of disloyal, narcissistic, shallow people. The stakes are too high.

I am a recovering under-communicator. I think my wife would tell you, especially in the last ten years, I’ve made up a lot of ground. I’m also bi-social…meaning I would describe myself as an introvert who can be an extrovert when the conditions are right. So, I’m someone who enjoys alone time, but also loves being with people…for a while. I know I need others. Being with people I love and having nutrient-dense conversations feeds my soul. And so I take the risk. I don’t have to always be seen in my best light. I allow others to see me as I really am. And that allows others to feel comfortable being honest in return. In that way, as the scriptures say, we are bearing each other’s burdens.

So you can play it cool if you want, but that’s a lonely place to reside. Or, you can ask yourself… What Would Maddie Do? She would likely sniff you inappropriately (so jump past that one), but then she would express love and affection regardless of how uncool she looked or who else was in the room. We could do worse.

What are the qualities we say we admire the most? Being authentic. Faithful. Kind. Making others better. Being generous. Protective of others in need. Easily happy and fun-loving. These are all the qualities of great canines. So, “Be More Like Your Dog.” Unless you have a Chihuahua. Then (with all apologies to my in-laws) …just don’t.

So, let me be open here. I really love these conversations with you. I love seeing you in the outside world, and we talk about this stuff, and you have such great insights and funny stories. Thanks for reaching out.

I’ll see you here next month, but until then, there is so much good that can be done out there. What good thing can you do? Let’s go do that. Peace out.